No Chat

Sorry, folks. I know I got you all geared up for this chat, but I have to cancel it for tonight. Too busy, have to leave town tomorrow early, too exhausted, etc. etc.

I'll let you know when I reschedule.

Was that actually some good music I heard???

You all need to head over to Bob Schneider's website and listen to his song Come With Me Tonight. It's the best frickin' song I've heard in a damn long time. His website is really cool, too. Skip his rambling on the splash page. Just click the "menu" link on the right and his song will automatically load.

Who's coming to my chat tomorrow night at 9:00 p.m.?

Lemmiwinks has some seriously good Karma

So hours later I'm sitting in my living room working at the table when Farris, my other kitty, goes flying by into the kitchen. I knew he had a sight on the chipmunk. Sure enough, he's flailing about the kitchen, chairs are flying, there is much ruckus, and he snags the chipmunk, who put up a great fight.

Farris heads to the basement with it and I follow. I open the door that goes outside, and find Farris sitting in the middle of the floor with that wild look in his eye. I take hold of the chipmunk with my right hand, and gently put my finger in the side of Farris's mouth to open it. Well, he AIN'T letting go! I had to use all my strenghth to pry his mouth open to release that rodent. Finally he lets go and I take it outside. Lemminwinks flys out of my hand as soon as I'm outside and off he went. I assume he's packing his belongings and looking for a house without animals.

But really, to be caught by two cats in one day and STILL survive, well, I'm just saying that chipmunk must have done some good shit in his past life.

There's a chipmunk in my bedroom.

Now, before you all conjure up urban legends involving Richard Gere, let it be known that my cat was running around outside while I was practicing, when she appeared in my bedroom with this critter that looked dead. She put it down and off he scrambled. She and I chased the fucker around my room for awhile but I have SOMUCHCRAP in the room, that it has too many places to hide.

So it's still up there. Been there a few hours. I only hope I get to it before Puddy does.

The "L" on my forehead gets bigger every day.

My piece of shit car broke down. Thank God Cheryl's hubby Skyler knows how to fix the things, and we've spent two days on it. The part we need is no longer available, so we have to invent a jerry-rigging sort of thing. It still isn't done. You breathe on the goddamn car and something falls off of it. Can I afford a new one? No. Can you say "LOSER"? Can you say "Let's blow the 30K cash from my savings, add 15K debt to it, and chase a stupid pipe dream"? Can you say "Live with mommy for awhile longer"? Can you say "Can't get hired for a frickin' job because I have never worked in an office setting, even though I have a billion skills"? Can you say "I have 24 dollars in my pocket which has to get me to Cleveland this weekend for a $200.00 gig"? Can you say "drive to your gig in a borrowed car"?

Fucking loser.

Roy Rogers, Porn Star.

In yet another fit of insomnia, last night I found myself watching a Roy Rogers western (I only have basic cable...).

I know Roy was an icon of his time, and Trigger truly is a beautiful horse, but what a BAD movie! Cheesy characters, bad plotline, wretched acting and dialogue. It seems the whole point of the movie was simply to give Roy a platform to sing. Which got me thinking. That's basically what porn is: Cheesy characters, bad plotline, wretched acting and dialogue, only to provide a platform for sex.

So then, was Roy the John Holmes of Westerns, or was Gene Autry?

I'm a Bush-loving Lesbian.

Now I know all you liberal pals of mine are gonna git yer knickers in a twist when you read this, but I'm coming out of the closet. I'm not gonna hide anymore. Gonna just tell you. I am here to admit to you all today that I think Laura Bush is a babe. I'm not kidding, I think she is beautiful. She has a beautiful smile which lights up her whole face. Forget the conservative hair-do and suit, just take a good look at her face the next time she's on TV.

I hate both candidates, as candidates, I mean. I don't want to vote for either, so I may just have to make a decision based on their wives. I mean, Laura is graceful and ladylike, and when she spoke at the convention, she spoke of all the wonderful traits her husband has (as she sees them). When Tereza Heinz Kerry spoke at the convention she spoke about herself. Like who fucking cares. And she showed off: big deal she speaks however many languages. Don't get me wrong, I like her "shove it" attitude in general, but as a first lady I don't think it'll go over well when she visits the UAE and tells some towelhead to fuck off when he says she has to wear a head wrap. And what's with the "merci merci merci"? Doesn't she know we hate the fucking French for turncoating on us? Sissy neurotic cigarette-smoking faggots. But I digress. Don't you all get worried, I ain't voting for Bush. But I ain't voting for Kerry, either. I'll go to the polls to vote for all the other offices and sit that one out.

And while I'm on the topic of Bush-loving lesbians, MY GAYDAR WENT FULL KILTER when Jenna Bush was speaking at the convention. Hello? Don't you think???



LOOK at her, with her sporty earth-tone top and casual attire, her wide face, her raspy voice. Even the way she clapped was butchy. Well, whatever. She'll come out of the closet when donkeys fly. Who knows, she probably has secret tea parties with Mary Cheney and Candace Gingrich for all we know. They have the engraved toaster oven all set for her whenever she's ready to accept it. Pretty soon there will be a support group for lesbian relatives of right-wing conservatives, there are so many of them these days.

Anyway, I don't care what you say. Laura Bush is a hottie.